Just because I haven’t checked in, in a while I thought I’d answer these 3 questions:
1 - How much love do I have for me?
2 - What do I need to do to accomplish my goals?
3- What are the things I need to let go of to accomplish my goals?
1 - How much love do I have for me?
A lot more than I had before. Although still saddened by the loss of Jess, although there are moments when I truly miss our flow, the ease with which we loved each other, I can clearly see the things I would not be willing to accept any longer and see how, in certain areas I supplanted my own desires, or moral compass in an attempt to make Jess happy. In addition I can see where I was defensive about things I could have simply accepted. I can see how I / we fell into a dysfunctional relationship as I would accept certain behaviors and discuss whatever those issues were for hours when I should have simply excused myself from that situation and certainly shouldn’t have apologized for things that I never felt were wrong, rather my opinion or true to me. I miss her but have grown more into myself and know even more clearly the type of relationship that would be ultimately more satisfying. – The goal at this point is to be aware of my old patterns, my old habit of jumping into things at first glance, of attaching myself to someone because they have this one great quality without moving slowly, self-honorably without really knowing the person. I really appreciate the man I am more clearly now and must not let that self-love slip away, in fact I need to strengthen that core truth about myself.
2 - What do I need to do to accomplish my goals?
I need to organize and take action to infuse myself with the gifts of creating. I should set aside a schedule, with a morning, afternoon, evening routine that encourages and creates time for creative endeavors. I need to get up at a regular time each day. Let’s say 7:30 for now… I need to be stricter with my consumption of sweets, and carbs. I need to drink more water. I need to do some exercise every morning. (even a brisk walk around the block) I need to set aside time for writing and put the phone on silent while doing so. I need to respect myself and do what I know will bring me joy – creating and accomplishing things, losing enough weight so I can weigh 170, at night. (I’m only 8 pounds away from that goal) I need to start these rituals RIGHT NOW.
3 - What are the things I need to let go of to accomplish my goals?
I need to let go of waiting for my passion, my self-motivation, my drive to create to magically come to me. I need to let go of distractions and excuses for not accomplishing things. I need to let go of any and all excuses for apathy or lethargy, such as I’M TIRED. I’LL DO IT LATER. I CAN’T SEEM TO FOCUS. I DON’T CARE. I’D LIKE TO SLEEP MORE, etc…
I need to let go of the old patterns that separate from my best self. Hmm.. if I do let go of the old patterns that separate me from my best self… will there be any patterns left?
Don’t be a wise guy… let’s get started.